Crystal Renn "I lost Weight" secret meaning.

God I am a blogger! This is a post from a blog I did two years ago... I just fell in love with myself <3 Read and you'll understand.  Crystal Renn is amazing.

Day 32: Yes, I have lost weight!

I stumbled across this article today about Crystal Renn.  She is a size 12 supermodel who started out like the rest of them, too skinny unhealthy and told they're perfect by societies standards.

She changed that real fast. Turned herself into what is beautiful by realities standards...(click here for the article)

This article was called "Yes, I have lost weight" and it goes through a multitude of photos from the beginning of her career all the way to where she is today.  It was very interesting the way they spun the "I have lost weight."  She didn't literally lose weight, she lost the concept of weight.  Something we all should do!  What I have said all along, the number on the scale is BULL SHIT!  Are you healthy? That's what's important!  I started all this not because of the number I saw on the scale, I hardly EVER step on the scale.... I started this because I had no energy, I felt frumpy, I had issues sleeping.....
I had already drastically cut back on my alcohol intake, quit smoking, started taking vitamins and was using exercise and my Yogi tea as a way to relieve stress... but I guess I also turned to eating WHATEVER I wanted.
That is not the way to be either.  So I changed my mindset.  My little sister had posted yesterday a quote:

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

                          -Norman Vincent Peale


That is exactly what I have been doing and it has been working!  I feel healthy now, mind, body, and soul.  Life is great.  And it's not because of anything anyone said or did.  I didn't get a promotion, I actually got shipped to a very chaotic store which is very stressful.  I didn't win the lottery. Nothing spectacular happened in my life. I just started being grateful to be me. I look in the mirror and I like what I see because of me. I did this, and to feel good about myself BECAUSE of myself is the best feeling.  You should try it.
They say in the past people thought that mirrors had the ability to show you your soul..... so what does that say when you see something ugly looking back? Change your thoughts, and change your world. 

Thirteen!

So apparently jump ropes need to come with a warning label on them..........

My wonderfully athletic fiance had his daughter over last Wednesday.  She found my jump rope and wanted to have a jump rope competition with him.  So they are outside jumping rope and getting to about 15 jumps, he was getting to about 20.  So I go out there and say OK guys THIS is how it's done. I bang out 100 jumps and hand the jump rope off.
My wonderfully athletic fiance tries and fails then hands it off to his daughter and she gets 20 jumps.  GREAT for a kid, but not great for my wonderfully athletic fiance.
I say to him, I'm gonna kick your butt because this is what I do... I jump rope.... I jump rope almost everyday to get my cardio in.  I am now a PRO at jumping rope!  I tell him soon Frankie wants me to get double jumps in and he says "Oh you mean like this, watch Rocky Balboa style!" He does double jumps AND falls to the ground writhing in pain.... He has ruptured his Achilles tendon..... And now his daughter is scarred for life and will NEVER jump rope again....  Off to the hospital and yep, ruptured Achilles tendon.  He will now be a gimp for the next three months.  Shoulda left the jump rope to the pro ;)


Ok so I have moved my training sessions with Frankie to Thursdays... So much more convenient.   So Thursday comes upon me.  I go to meet up with Frankie.  Today is lifting day!  Woot woot no cardio!!! So excited!!!! So Frankie has me on the 'mens' side of the gym... I am always the ONLY female on the free weights half of the gym, it's so awkward!  But I'm there with Frankie so I could care less.

He sets me up with the 45 pound barbell.  We are doing something like a dead lift row... I can't remember what he called it.  Basically I do a dead lift but once I get the bar to my hips I shrug my shoulders and pull the barbell to shoulder height then flip the barbell up so it looks like I'm about to press it up, but then I just drop it.

He has me do 10 reps of this with the 45 pounds.  I am HORRIBLE at coordinating my movements, I think things through WAY too much.  So the first ten was another "was that it!??" "No" "how about that!??" "uuuh, almost"  "Did I do it!???" "Just keep trying"

After the 45 pound set he adds 20 pounds and now I have to do 65 pounds.... That was a struggle but I think i got the movement down!  Or Frankie just gave up and let me do whatever I was doing....  He says to me you should be feeling it in your hamstrings, I say yea I feel it right here I must be doing it right!  He says, yea those are your quads you need to squat less and dead lift more. Oops...  Silly me....

After that set he sets it up to 95 pounds!!! WHAAAAAAATTTTT you gotta be kidding me!   It was funny because this guy was sitting across from em watching and the look on his face was a replicate of the look on my face (but then I looked at what he was lifting and it made me chuckle).  So now that I have an audience I have to put on a show. I dead lift and PULLLL and it doesn't go anywhere... Frankie tells me I have to do it all fast or else that will keep happening.... (yea right) So I try it fasssssst and I DO IT!!! Holy crap it is heavy, almost throws me on my ass when I flip it, but I did it!  Now only 9 more.... phewww..... 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and done!!! I am a beast!

What's next I ask.... Oh some cardio... :(  I have to row 300 meters in 1 minute 20 seconds then I get a minute rest, BUT during the rest I HAVE TO PLANK!!! What kind of rest is that!?  I tell him I feel like I'm at work where I get a "One hour" lunch but I have to work through it!

I'd rather row than plank... and rowing 300 meters in a minute 20, what the hell is that about? I just have to do this 4 friggin times..... I thought today was a lifting day?

Anyway, I make it through rug burning my damn elbows.  I'm gonna catch a staph infection from those nasty gym rugs and all these planks. Too bad if I plank on the mat I slide off of it.... The price we pay to get fit.

Oh by the way, we took measurements today... I've dropped another inch off my waist and hips, 1 1/4 inch off my calves, an inch off my thighs and a half inch off my arms... and dropped 3% of my body fat.  No pain no gain!!

13/52  ***Going going GONE***

Eleven and Twelve....

Last Tuesday was a very frustrating day.  I wanted to punch someone in the face,   But I didn't.  There were just too many people that inspired my inner serial killer... but I subdued that inner devil and hit the gym hoping Frankie wouldn't kick my ass too bad.

It's like he knew I had a frustrating day... the workout he gave me was perfect for all the bottled up aggression I had!

For starters, I had left the house to go to the gym. Half way to the gym I realized I forgot a bottle of water and all I had in the car was an empty coke bottle.  Oh well, it'll do.  So I walk in at about 7:29pm and see Frankie with his 7pm appointment still working out.  So I hit the locker room and fill my bottle.    Once I head over to them they were sitting down and Frankie calls me Miss Late Pants.... I think to myself, oh shit I remember what happened last time I was late.... please don't punish me........

But he actually doesn't.  PHEW!!!

We do a quick workout (because I was late).  We're doing 3 sets of two different moves each time.

First move is with the 18lb medicine ball.  I have to hold it above my head and bounce it near my left foot, catch, lift and bounce down to my right foot.  Do this for 30 seconds.

THIS IS GREAT.  It is just hard enough to challenge me and just heavy enough to allow me to chuck the ball at the ground as hard as possible and get all that aggression out GRRRRRR!

Then after that I have to do mountain climbers.  Slowwwwwly.... He tells me to focus on pulling my knee as high to my chest as possible.  30 seconds of that.

Now I get to rest for a minutes.

Next is a move I will refer to as the Richard Simmons....
Too bad I left my fluorescent hot pants at home...

I have to do high knees. Left right left right etc.... all while holding my arms above my head straight and moving them down past my knees with each knee. So I look like Richard Simmons jazzercizing. "Ok people lets go!!!" 30 seconds of this.

Then is suicides.  Yep plain ol' school suicides.  Run backwards to a point, drop and touch the ground, push off and sprint forward, drop and touch the ground, then run backwards to a further point, drop touch the ground and sprint forward to starting point, then one last time run backwards to the furthest point, drop hit the floor then sprint forward to the start.  Done.

Rest for one minute.

This last one he has me do is the worst.  He has me stand on the treadmill, with it off.  I am to push the belt to move, with it off, and 'run' for 45 seconds.   That is one long 45 seconds, let me tell you. My calves, quads, hamstrings you name it it was on fire.

No rest for the wicked, straight to the next move!
Back to the medicine ball.  This time I have to lift the ball, bounce to my left foot, catch, lift, bounce to my right foot, catch, lift, bounce down the middle.  Then repeat for 45 seconds.

Then we were done.  I feel like I cheated myself out of a good workout because this one really wasn't that challenging.  Maybe that just means I'm turning into beast mode!  Killed it!

This Tuesday was all about cardio.  Not even enough to write!  It was a half hour of pure treadmill running.

Frankie texted me around 6:15 asking if I wanted to come in earlier, he had a cancelation.  Lucky for him I just so happen to be sitting around cursing myself for setting my training appointment for 7:30pm... So I jump at the offer, hell yea I'll be there at 6:30p.

So I get there and we get straight to work.  Frankie explains to me the end of October and November are all going to be about cardio.  Every other workout is going to be pure cardio.  So today is the first of them. 

All I have to do is:

Run .12miles... rest for thirty seconds

Run .25miles.... rest for a minute

Run .50miles..... rest for two minutes

Run .50miles..... rest for two minutes

Run .25miles.... rest for one minute

Run .12miles.... DONE

And So I did.  Running an eight of a mile is a piece of cake.  Following that with running a quarter mile is not so bad.  Following that with running a half mile is just a bit tiring.  Following that with another half a mile my body is asking ARE WE THERE YET???? Following that with a quarter mile is really not that bad and ending off with an eight of a mile is a friggin piece of cake. 

Now I am absolutely drenched in sweat I feel like I just ran through torrential downpours.  

But hey, we're done!! 

Torture Sessions: 11/52 and 12/52 KILLED

***BEAST MODE INITIATED***

Erasing Sunday Funday!

This is how Sunday went....

I started my day walking 3 miles at the American Cancer Society's Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk... 

Apparently I reasoned with myself that because I did so, I earned a free pass to sloth and gluttony...

Of course we were home just in time for 1:05pm kickoff and of course football goes hand in hand with ingesting calories.

Here's what was on the menu today:

Sweet and sour BBQ chicken wings

Spinach veggie dip w/ townhouse pita crackers

Buffalo chicken dip w/ baked tostitos scoops

Spinach pies

Chourico Pies

and

Bud light

Now all this was for 4 people......... I have always over prepared for Sunday Funday.

By 6pm I was ready for bed.  Had to force myself to keep my eye lids open and drink water to flush all the toxins I just ingested out of my system!!!  Ohhhhh why did I do this to myself????

So now Monday has arrived and, naturally, I am having a fat day.

So I created a 15 minutes kickass workout... if I do this everyday I can actually not feel SO bad about enjoying Sunday Funday....  and it's an at home workout where the only equipment needed is a jump rope.

This workout works everything... core, legs, arms, and butt.  Keep in mind this is a 15 minute workout so you have very little time to rest between moves.  

1. 30 seconds or 50 jumps with the jump rope.  I did 30 seconds and tried to see how many jumps I could get in. Easiest way to do jump rope: Keep your feet together and jump with your feet, don't use your knees.  Try to keep you legs straight with just a slight bed at the knee.

 Tops was 63 jumps today.

2. 10 burpees.... YES I had to throw in this torture move.  No pain no gain!!! Plus if I can get myself used to these Frankie can't torture me as much...  Now remember, the burpee move starts on your feet in the crouched position  Kick yourself out into push up position then jump back to crouch position, stand and jump straight up.  I have 8 feet ceilings so I made sure I touched the ceiling every time. 

3. 10 sit ups.  Feet together, knees to the floor, kinda like a diamond.  Make sure you keep your spine straight, otherwise you're not engaging all your core muscles. 

4.  5 push ups. Feet together arms shoulder width apart.  If it's too hard you can spread your legs further apart or drop to your knees.

5.  20 squats.  Make sure your holding your torso straight and chin up.  It helps me to hold my arms straight in front of me and focus on a point straight ahead.  That way my head and torso stay unmoving. 

Just do this three times and you're done.  SO basically you have 5 minutes for each set.  That's a minute per move, so if you want to figure rest in there you I would take it after the burpees and rush through the sit ups and push ups.  Rest after squats and blast through the jump rope and burpees again.

Now if you were really bad on Sunday Funday (like me) do ten sets in a half hour ;)

Ahhhh I feel better already.... and sweaty.... and my legs feel like rubber...

Ten.

Frankie tried to kill me.


The end.

Ok so here's how it went.  I had a great day off. I went kayaking, it was a beautiful day water like glass sun shining... perfect End of September....

I went home made some tune and had it with baked ruffles... just to tie me over until I get home and can eat.  Really was the littlest serving, but the biggest mistake....

Frankie texts me to let me know he's running a little late.  That's fine I hadn't left the house yet so I finished cooking my shepherds pie filling... smells great and I can't wait to come home and eat it.

So I show up about 5 minutes late and Frankie is already inside... so much for him being late....

And then the slow death began.... Straight to the treadmill. Run a half mile in 3-5 minutes.  No problem, I set the speed to 6.3 and start my run.  Then Frankie comes over and moves the incline to 3. Hey!  I did not agree to that!!!

From there he has me do 5 push ups followed by 20 squats...

 Oh my God did that run wind me.... It was all over at that point!


But it had only just began... We move over to the 65lb barbells again.... Ok so time for dead lifts... This time it's a dead lift row.  We're going to do 4 sets of 8, all gradually increasing the weight.... First we start we the empty barbell.  It's a slight struggle.  My rings always get in the way when we do these but I really don't want to take them off :(

After the first set he moves me to a mat and has me do "raccoons."  This is basically a crunch where you lift your head and knees at the same time, knees to head... It's called a raccoon because raccoons curl themselves into a ball like that... yea ok sure whatever you say.... 15 of these.  Wouldn't be so hard except every time I did one my whole body would slide down just a little bit so by the 15th one I was almost off the mat.

Now back to the dead lifts... Frankie has added 10 lbs... now onto 75lbs... I do the first one and my rings dig deep into the pad of my hand.  I have no choice but to take them off so I do and place them with my keys "Frankie you better be watching those!!!!!" He thinks it's funny....

So 8 dead lift rows... He keeps telling me to stick my butt out more and arch my back but it's hard to do that when your being weighed down with 75lbs... but I complete them and back to the stupid raccoons, I have to keep count this time because Frankie has to go find more weight.  I always lose track of my reps that's what I pay him for!!!!

So I think I did 15, it felt like I did 30... and back to the dead lifts rows where he has added 5 more pounds... now we're doing 80lbs... oh man this is starting to suck.  I wish I still wasn't out of breath from my half mile run up hill.

Back to raccoons, man after the 10th one those last 5 really SUCK!

Back to dead lift rows with 5 more pounds and now we;re at 85lbs... W.T.F.  Last set though I tell myself.  Ok so the last 4 were definitely a struggle and on to the last set of raccoons... and done!

Oh but wait, there's more!  Why do I feel like I've already been here for a half hour??

Frankie asks me to grab the mat and he grabs two 10lb plates and a 25lb plate... Not gonna lie I feel like I could kill him right now.

So we're doing Frankie's version of suicides.  25lb plate on the ground, lean down and push it about 20 feet then leave the plate and run back.  Do mountain climbers for 30 seconds, except this time place your feet in the 10lb plates and drag the plates with your toe, get up run back to the 25lb plate and push that another 20 feet.  Run the 40 feet back and do 30 seconds more of mountain climbers with the 10lb plates... finish that and run the 40 feet back to the plate and push it back 20 feet, leave it there and run back 20 feet and do 30 more seconds of mountain climbers.... get up run back to the plate and push it back to the starting line.

All I'm thinking is "you've got to be kidding me...."
So I start.  Pushing the plate is not so bad and neither is running back but let me tell you, those Goddamn mountain climbers f'n suck.  Like seriously WTF.  My friggin hamstrings were burning after ten seconds.  Not to mention those stupid plates slide all over the carpet so now I have to keep my friggin balance.  30 seconds is a long ass time!!!!!!!!

This is where the tuna for a snack turns into a horrible idea... you know when you start to feel your dinner in the back of your throat... and I still had to finish off these stupid suicides.  This literally was pure torture.  Now my head is pounding and I want to throw up... but I finished... Thank the lord I finished.........

I collapse on the mat panting trying to compose myself.

BUT WE'RE NOT DONE.....

Now Frankie wants me to jump rope. 100 jumps, if I trip up I have to do 5 sit-ups.This is the longest God damn session I have ever been through.  After those friggin mountain climbers my legs are like rubber. I attempt to jump and I just can't get it.  This is cruel and unusual punishment.  So Frankie says, ok you only have to do 50 jumps... I do this all the time at home I can do this. So I blast through 50 jumps, Frankie says ok keep going!  So I make it to jump 90 when I trip up... time for crunches he says... you mother f'er....... I tell him crunches REALLY are not a good idea right now unless he wants to wear my dinner.... so he lets me rest and tells me ok just do side crunches... you know the ones where you lift your elbow towards the opposite knee... alright let's just get this over and done with... but now I have to do ten because it's rotating sides. I finish that and Frankie says, you're not done yet you still have ten more jumps.

F YOU FRANKIE!
Ten jumps done and I throw the rope and say I'm going home.  Screw taking my measurements tonight, now I have to concentrate on keeping my tuna down...

Needless to say, I will not be having shepherds pie tonight. Thanks Frankie.

Torture session 10/52

***VOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER***

Number Nine.

So I show up at 6pm for my training session with Frankie.... 6:01...6:02....6:03.... No Frankie.... So I go to the desk and the same girl from Tuesday is there "No Frankie again???" I ask and she gets the gym owner.  He says he'll call Frankie and get back to me....

Frankie thought he said 6:30, he'll be here in 15 minutes.

My wonderful cousin who is the reason I joined the gym to begin with is here tonight though so I'll just find her.....Uh oh the trainers have found her first.  She made it through 2 months without them sinking their teeth into her.  It was inevitable, complimentary training session!!!!  Ok you have fun with that, hope you didn't plan on walking for the next five days :)

Frankie shows up and we get straight to work.  He grabs a bench, which is about 2 feet off the ground. He jumps up on the bench and says "Would you be comfortable doing that?" Sure, why not? Ok...

So I stand in front of the bench, when you're actually getting ready to jump up the bench looks a lot higher than it did when Frankie did it.... Oh boy, my coordination is not very good.... here goes nothing. I made it effortlessly!  Now just nine more.... Jump up, step down.... Jump up, step down.... ten times, made it!

Now sit on the bench and do sit ups, feet on the ground, butt scooched right up to the edge.... 10 of those.... piece of cake.....

Then he grabs that great 65lb barbell... dead lifts pulling the bar up to my chest... 10 of those.... not so fun but not so hard...

Now repeat!  This time on about my fourth jump my toe catches the bottom of the bench and I stumble... I catch myself, but I stumbled... Frankie doesn't flinch but he does compliment my wonderful recovery.  He says "Did you see how fast I moved to catch you!??"  I say "I didn't see you move"  "Exactly!  So don't let that happen again, I have horrible reflexes."   ........That's comforting......

I make it through four sets when my cousin comes over, all red faced and panting... her session is done lol.  So she watches me finish up my last set and Frankie asks her if she wants to do some planks with us..... WHATTT!!!!!!??? There's more????? Oh man I thought I was done......

She says "Sure!!" so over to the mat we go.... now these aren't your typical planks..... this is stand, walk yourself out with your hands into pushup formation with then onto your elbows in plank position, but don't plank, move back to push up position and do ten mountain climbers.... then back to your elbows and back to push up form then walk yourself back to standing position...

Really didn't seem that hard... so we both begin, my cousin now understands why I do not want to work out after I have completed a training session.... She's like oh screw this I'm done! So she takes off and leaves me alone with Frankie...

We go through five reps of the mountain climber push up plank move and then finish it up with 30 second planks... first one plank and extend one arm.... Made me feel like superman, this apparently is supposed to help engage the core... when you're not concerned with keeping your balance like I was! Next I switch arms and do the other side, next one i have elbows down and lift on leg off the ground (still extended straight) then the next with the other leg... last two are on the side one elbow to the ground one arm extended towards the sky.... and then rotate sides.....

Torture session 9/52


***DONE***

Seven and Eight.... and supposed to be nine....

I have had such a bust life this past month!  Work has kept me so busy.  We remodeled our store and completed a grand reopening.  I have been so exhausted!  14 hour days, sore feet, and sleep deprivation.

Even through all my exhaustion I have still kept with Frankie.  Made every single appointment and even dragged myself to the gym all by myself.

Session seven:

Frankie tried to get me to do this move holding a 65 pound barbell at my chest, then I was supposed to dip, rise and press the bar above my head, but then as I lift the barbell I was supposed to dip again while pressing the barbell all the way over my head.... I COULD NOT DO THIS!  Not because it was too hard but because my mind could not understand what he wanted my body to do!
Frankie actually made me put the bar down and simulate the move without the bar.... I think he found it humorous. I just could not get it.  Finally he says ok back to the bar.  So I try again, and try again, and try again each time saying "DID I GET IT!???" and Frankie saying "uh........no...." "DID I GET IT!!!????" "Well...... kind of....last one let's get it this time"  "Ok That HAD TO BE IT RIGHT!!!!?" "Yes! That was it! No, I'm lying you didn't do it.... just put the bar down." Ok... A for effort tight? :)

Looks something like that except imagine in phase c dipping again...

 Then we move on the Frankie's favorite three sets of three different moves.

We started with his the rowing machine. As we head over there I say "Oh good I like the rowing machine!" He mumbles "You won't after this......."
First I have to row 100 meters, Frankie says I have great rowing form.  Damn straight! This girl knows how to row. I wasn't lying when I said I liked the rowing machine....

Then he has me do 10 burpees... you remember these.... Frankie says he saw a poster imitating "The most interesting man in the world" you know the guy from dos xx beer commercials... (I don't always drink beer, but when I do I drink dos xx...) Well the poster said "I don't always do burpees; but when I do, I never do them for more than five minutes"
I.HATE.BURPEES. end of story. Here's my poster:

you try doing these ten in a row... and yes this pic depicts fluid motion... ready set go!

So after suffering through the burpees and my burning legs Frankie has me do his version of crunches, holding a twenty pound weight.  I couldn't do them last time but this time they seemed so easy!  Frankie told me they're not easy, I'm just progressing.  I like getting a figurative pat on the head (what a good girl!!).

We went through this three times.  My God I have never been so happy to get through a half hour workout.  Those Burpees are AWFUL!

Torture session 7/52

Session 8:

I really was not feeling well today.  I had the day off and cleaned the house top to bottom.  My allergies were thanking me for all the dust I fed them. I had my appointment at 7:30 and I fell asleep at 6:50... granted I woke right up at 7:05 but needless to say, I did not want to go see Frankie.

It's like he must have known because this was actually not so bad.
This was just a set of two moves.
Run a half mile and then do 12 reps on the assisted pull up machine.
So I ran at 5.8... did a half mile in about 3 minutes.  Then I did my 12 pull ups using just 90lbs this time, last time I had to use 100lbs (progress!!!)
Then back to running.... this time I put it to 5.9... Frankie did not like that.  He got a little sarcastic with me "Wow, really pushing yourself today aren't ya" So I shoot him the look and move up to 6.2.... "Now that's what I'm talking about" he says.
Then we go to use the pull up machine and this woman has decided to camp out on it.... Seriously lady? So on to plan B.  Frankie says you'll just have to do a pull up... I THOUGHT WE WENT OVER THIS FRANKIE!
Only he just wants me to jump up and add resistance rather than try to pull myself up or hold myself up. Not bad, I feel like I'm cheating myself though.  He has me do this 12 times.
Back to the treadmill, I set it to 6.5. Last set let's get this over and done with! "Tha'd a girl!"
Then back to the jump up pull ups, that lady was STILL at the pull up machine... come on now....

But that only took 20 minutes, we still have 10 minutes left. So Frankie moves me to a machine deep inside the elusive "Men's" section of the gym... you know that section, grunts and bulging veins....
We are at the cable machine to work on my tri's.
He has me sit on the ground with the cables set in the highest position and pull them down.  He says this will help me to be able to do a pull up (I told him that my goal is to be able to do one pull up by the end of the year).  He has me do three sets up ten strating at 40lbs moving up to 50lb and then 60lbs.  I struggled on the 60lbs but I did it!

Frankie then says he brought his own tape measure and asks if I want to take my measurements... Sure, why not?
I have lost:
1/2" on my waist
1/2" on my hips
1/2" on my thighs
nothing on my arms
and I have GAINED 3/4" on my calves???? I don't think that first measurement was right unless all my 1/2"s went straight to my calves...... and all this time I thought everything goes straight to your hips!!!

Torture session 8/52

Session nine:
This session is to be continued... I showed up but Frankie didn't :(
Guess he got in trouble for his tattoos and got sent home and no one called me.
I was not happy.
Rescheduled for tomorrow. He better have a good set lined up.


***REDO***

On to S_I_X

How quickly  a week goes by, last Tuesday went and this Tuesday came.   This Tuesday I spent half my day at work running around like a fool, couple hours spent in a funeral parlor surrounded by Lilies.... those of which I am EXTREMELY allergic to... So after leaving and sneezing and going through a box of tissues I REALLY did not want to go see Frankie.  I actually had the "Hey can we reschedule" text typed out about 7 times.... but each time I erased it saying no, no, no.... allergies and exhaustion should not be a reason to cancel on Frankie....

So I get my self dressed and head to the gym.  When I get there Frankie walks over to me "You are here!!!!"  I think to myself, shit did I actually cancel and have taken too many Zyrtec to remember?  Frankie then explains he was over filling out my workout for the night when another client of his sits down and says Ok are we ready!  Like it was her time.... I said oh no no no no Frankie, Tuesdays at 7:30pm are for LB only! He laughs and says I know, I had you first anyways. So he goes to let the other one down and tells her to leave. DAMN STRAIGHT!

So the work out begins.  Frankie guides me to the assisted pull up machine, that of which I have never  seen nor have absolutely no desire to go near.  He explains for me to set the weight to half my body weight and it should be just hard enough but just easy enough.  He then says, sooooo what weight should I put it at? Remember the more weight you put the easier it will be.  So I chose 80lbs... I'm 167 that should be fine.  Then I look at the machine and er what exactly am I supposed to do here? these machines are all greek to me. He tells me to put my knees on the arm and hands on the bar, but don't kneel before you grab hold of the bars!  So I pulllllllllllllllllllll myself uppppppppppp wtf this shit is hard!?  So he stops me and adds 20 lbs (I hope he isn't saying I'm 20lbs heavier lol) Now I had to do two sets of ten... oh man I have no upper body strength... I suck at arms... after the two sets he decreases the weight by 10lbs and now I have to do 8 of these.... What.A.Friggin.Struggle.

Now on to another one of his favorites, AMAPs.... As Many As Possibles.  Now I know that these are deceiving.  They don't SEEM to be hard but really, they are a slow torture that makes you so sore the following day.  But hey BRING IT.

So he says we are going to be doing weighted back squats with a weight between 60 and 90lbs.  We started with 65lbs.  6 squats.  I'm actually getting pretty good at these! Yay progress! So I squat my 6, with no problems.....

then we move on to the next....

Hand release push ups... I must say once he told me what they were called I giggled.... I said oh man that is not what they're called and Frankie looked at me so seriously and said yea it is, why what's funny?  HAHAHA oh nothing forget it.... I don't want to explain that one... So I let him explain what a hand release push up is....  Really it's just a push up where you lower yourself completely to the ground and lift your hands (while you're on the ground) then push yourself completely back up.  Just three of these... he always says "just' three... So I struggle through these three, still having NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH...

And he must have thought I was kidding when I told him I have NO UPPER BODY STRENGTH because now he wants me to do one, just one, full pull up.  Right of the bat I laughed and said yea that's not gonna happen but I'll try...

So he sets me up, hanging and I pull, and pull, and pull, anddddd I'm not going anywhere.  So he says ok, well how about plan B?  Jump up and grab the bar at your chin and slowly drop yourself.... Again, I laugh... ok Frankie whatever you say! So I jump up, I catch the bar annnnnnnd I just dropped myself like a ton of bricks.  He's like, um yea try it again just a little slowerrrrr... So I try again a littleeeeee slower..... He says hmmm ok let's try something else.. hahaha ok sure.

He takes the bar and lowers it about 3 feet of the ground and I have to basically lay under the bar, grab the bar to hold myself up with my heels on the ground and do a pull up this way.  This I could do!!!! I was so excited!  And so was Frankie, he's like YES!!!! That's it!!!!!

And then I had to start all over again with the squats, which Frankie has added 10lbs to... no pain no gain!

I have 17 minutes to do as many as possible.  So I got to 7 sets with three minutes left.  Frankie wants me to break ten within the three minutes left. And I did! with 10 seconds to spare, he's like Ok get back to the squats you can get one in!!!!! Yea, let's just say I took my time....... oh shoot out of time....

Guess he didn't like that because, now we run!!! Are you fn kidding me???

He had me do an eight of a mile and follow that with 15 crunches.  The only thing is, the crunches he has me do require me to place my feet together with my knees on the ground, kinda like a diamond, and lay back and then crunch. But I was wearing shorts and it is just such an awkward position with shorts on and he was standing RIGHT THERE front and center.  But I did them.  With a  quick shorts check every time I came up, gotta make sure those bad larry's don't show my hoo ha.

I swear it must be something mental but every time he lets me know this is the LAST ONE my body just stops working.  I tried three times on the last one!  Finally I said three half crunches equal a whole! I'm done!

Today was the day we were supposed to take measurements but Frankie couldn't find a tape measure.. so instead he checked my BMI.  Yay my fat content went down 1.3% and I also learn that 115lbs of my169 are lean muscles... but that also means 54lbs of it is fat... that is n.a.s.t.y

Torture session 6/52

***FINITO***

Five.

So this may sound a little corny but here goes.... So I'm at a point in my life where I feel very secure.  I'm about to get married, I finally live in a house that feels like home, I have two dogs with whom I think of as my children, and as unstable as the economy is I'm pretty sure I have a stable job.  Everything just seems to have fallen into place.

And now I have MY gym.... it's nice to walk down the stairs and be welcomed by my name... or with a hollered "LB!!!!!!" And to have a trainer there that keeps me going there, even when I don't want to.  I have been a member to numerous gyms and this is the first one that feels right...

See, cheesy.... I know but hey whatever works for you and this seems to be working for me :)

Anyway, so yesterday was Tuesday and we all know Tuesday means 7:30pm torture session with Frankie.....

This time I am going handicapped though.  I made the mistake, the night before, of placing the pad of my thumb on a hot pan while taking my dinner out of the oven.... And then I peeled the blister off leaving myself with a nice fresh quarter sized layer of painfully new skin.

So I meet up with Frankie and here we go.... he instantly walks towards those tormenting medicine balls. Of course I have to object, 'we are NOT doing those torture push ups again, right??????'
He laughs, no this is something different.... I don't like how that sounds...

So we go over to our usual area and he explains we are going to do a cardio sandwich.... um, no thank you,I'm not hungry......

He then explains it's four moves sandwiched between a quarter mile run on the treadmill. (Oh God I hate running)

So he gets me on the treadmill and sets it to 5.0 MPH... This I can handle, a light jog, no problem... apparently this was a problem because he cranked it up to 5.3 mph... I guess 5.0 seemed toooo easy.
I have to admit it wasn't bad, until I went to step off the treadmill.  At my .25 mile mark I hit the stop button, which very quickly slows the machine to a stop.  I must have miscalculated when the belt would stop moving and ended up doing some sort of ballerina looking move nearly losing my balance one leg on the belt one in the air with my face facing the belt... phew that was close...

"Good moves..." Frankie says... thanks pal.

Then we move on to the first of the four moves...

Squat and toss... starting with the 15lb medicine ball held at your chest you dip into a squat and lift back into standing position tossing the ball in the air and catching it.  When you catch it you dip back into a squat and repeat.  10 of these.
This sounds pretty easy except for the burn on my hand being hit every.time.i.catch.the.ball. :x
 First one up, caught, dip... piece of cake!  Second one up catch, oh shit slip, bounce off face, Frankie laughing "did you just hit yourself in the face hahaha,"  yea, I knew that was gonna happen... I'm not exactly what they call graceful.  Luckily I didn't hurt myself, just kinda let it slip through my fingers just enough to knock me in the nose..... I got through the rest of them with no further incident.

Next move, burpee jumps.... say what???  Basically you drop into a frog position, switch to a push up position )no push ups though) then back to the frog position and jump as far as you can... it reminded me of leap frog.

Just ten of these.  Again I say no problem... jump... ribbit... one.... jump... ribbit.... two.... jump.... ribbit.... three.... shit my legs are getting tired.... juuuuump, uh that was hard..... ribbit.... four.... catch my breath... jummmmmmppppp, ughhhhh..... ribbit.... five.... Ok now turn and back the other way!


I took that as hey time for a break stretch it out.... phew..... here comes the sweat.... ok.... five more..... gulp..... five, four, threeeeeeeeeee, t...t...twooooo...... oooooooooooonnnnnnneeeeeee.... DONE! Shit those last two suck!

OK READY SET NEXT MOVE!  On the ground! Catapult crunches... lay on your back in sit up position with your arms stretched out long towards the medicine ball on the ground.  Grab the ball and while lifting into a crunch catapult the 15 pound ball at Frankie...... Hmmmm.... this could be better than I thought.......

Do you know how difficult it is to do this move????? 15 of these.... no don't get me wrong, I really wanted to throw a heavy ball at Frankie... I REALLY wanted to... that wasn't really that hard after I got used to the motion.  I hard part was going up in a complete sit up.... use the weight of the ball to propel you, he says... yea Frankie, easier said than done!

Next move... squats holding the medicine ball above my head... these were ACTUALLY easy for me.  Those damned squats that I curse I was actually welcoming....   That's gotta be a good sign.

Then back to the treadmill... .25 miles.... and back to the kick ass moves.... then back to the treadmill... then back to the moves.... then end with the treadmill....

And my half hour is up yessssss!!!!!....... noooooooo..... we are not done?????

Ok, Frankie says, we're going to have you walk at a 3.0mph pace on the treadmill and I'm going to increase the incline 2 degrees every minute.... start at 2 degrees.... then four... six..... phew I can feel that burn.... eight.... I feel like I'm mountain climbing.... ten.... oh this minute is longggggg..... eight..... ahhhh that's better.... six..... I can do this.... four...... piece of cake.... two..... walk in the park..... done.

Next week we take my measurements.... and I have to start a food diary........

torture session 5/52

***JOY***

NUMBER F-O-U-R

Tuesdays back. Oh how time flies when you're not looking forward to something. Again my day off has landed on a Tuesday and I don't want to go to the gym!  Again the fact that I paid primo dollars for my training session has me slapping myself around because I HAVE TO!!!!

Also the fact that we went out for lunch this afternoon and I had clam cakes and chowder.... And lobster rangoons....next fact is, it wasn't that great so to get fat because of ok food is unacceptable!  So my inner voice is sitting there saying go ahead and sit on that couch watching Ellen fatty!  That and the fact that I let myself have such a lame work out yesterday.......

So I had my V8 juice and apple cider vinegar to flush my body of some of the grease I just ingested and I will drag my butt to get my weekly Frankie beat down.

I shall refer to this session as F YOU FRANKIE!!!!!

I suppose I shouldn't have told him about my clam cakes because oh my God he kicked my ass.

Tonight we started with dead lifts. Me thinking we were gonna do our normal spaced out 2 sets of 10 reps told him to add ten more pounds on.... Then he thew a curve ball of back to back sets of ten... three of them... Thirty friggin 55 pound dead lifts all in a row.  What's the point of calling them sets if you put them all together????  When I went to walk away my legs felt like rubber!

Them he grabs a bench and we move on to what Frankie calls AMAPs aka As Many As Possibles... So he shows me the three moves I have to do. First move he calls pistol squats where you stand up on one leg, sit down, and then lift yourself using just that one leg rotating legs every time you stand.

Then this move where you hold a 20lb barbell and you swing it like a pendulum between your legs and then up over your head while squatting into it when it goes through your legs. Then onto transition push ups.  You have one hand on a medicine ball and one on the floor, you dip into a push up and when you come up you, still with the one hand on the ball, move the other hand to the ball and then switch the other hand to the ground.... This is the move that almost made me quit.

yea.... I don't look like that.............

I managed to get through three and a half sets over the course of my given 15 minutes. Frankie made it look so damn easy.  The pistol squats were horrendous especially after doing those dead lifts. I discovered my right leg is MUCH stronger than my left.  I felt like I had been shot in the ass every time I did the left leg!

 The pendulum wasn't too bad I took my time with these just to give myself a friggin break! Then the transition push ups, Frankie you fn suck...... 

This move was 100% torture. Every single second of it. I found myself drenched in sweat and I mean like 'shit did I just get out of the shower' soaking wet. I had to tune everyone out and tell that little voice that was saying "screw you Frankie I don't have to do any of this shit"  to shut the hell up, I was doing this for me and I am not gonna quit no matter how much I hated Frankie for putting me through this. By the third set I found myself staring at that stupid medicine ball sending it imaginary atomic bombs and plotting Frankie's demise. 

Thirty minutes was plenty, I don't know why I ever think it's not going to be enough. If I had time to look at the clock I would be willing it to move on but rather I have to count my seconds in measurements of pain.

 I told Frankie, after we finished, that I feel like I just crawled out of hell... His response was 'hey but you made it out!' He also told me I have come a long way from day one with him.... And all of a sudden Frankie is back to being my best worst friend. Awwww thanks Frankie.... 

No pain no gain!!!!!!! 4/52

***DRENCHED***

Oh what a nothing day....

Ever have one of those days where you just want to be... just be.... and then your eyes open wide because your alarm is going off and all you can thing is WHY!!!!???

Up and at em... today I had to fix myself up pretty for our wonderful photo shoot at work.  Now there is nothing like waking up on the wrong side of the bed and having to suffer through a two hour smile fest.

Not to mention I had to wear a white shirt.... LB does not wear white.  White always ends up with coffee dribbled down the front or V8 juice or some mystery spot....  Never fails.  So that means no coffee and no V8 juice and avoid all mysterious colored objects all day.   I made it through the day, very surprisingly, spotless.

By 3pm my energy had hit a total wall. Between interviewing people and smiling pretty for the camera, man you have no idea how exhausting it is!

Driving home I was fighting to keep my eyes open. But I made the decision to hit the gym...  I put my gym shoes on first thing when I get home... I know that I will not be moving if I let myself sit down...

I get to the gym and I just do not want to do anything.  I ran on the treadmill for 6 lousy minutes... didn't even want to be on it.  I didn't want to run I really didn't want to do anything.  So I get off and hit the ladies weight room.

I start with the inverted bench row.... and instantly hit frustration.  I was cut off on my way to the weights and right when I was about to grab the 15s this chick grabs them.  Whatever, I moved on to the single 20lb barbell. But now I was back to being irritated.  I finished off a couple stes of those then managed to do some lunges, the move I hate the most.   Forced myself to do 2 sets... or was it three?? I really wasn't even paying attention.  Tossed in a few sets of chest flys and finished off with a minute plank and both side planks.

Grabbed my stuff and headed to the rowing machine just to find it was occupied..... So I left.... and I feel as though it was the crummiest work out ever... but I still made it to the gym.  I'm starting to feel like I actually need Frankie........

***TIRED***

oh Frankie, my Frankie....

Tuesday arrives and I have a full day of work. First day back in ten days.  I must say I actually have the desire to go to the gym and work of some of my frustrations.....

7:30pm comes around and I go to meet up with Frankie, my Frankie....

Today we are doing torture stations.... 5 sets of four moves in which I have only 4 minutes to complete each set.  If I complete it before the four minutes is up, I get to rest... If I don't complete it, I move right into my next set with absolutely no rest.  I have 20 minutes to complete all 5 sets.

First up, spiderman mountain climbers.... 20 of those... then on to my childhood favorite JUMP ROPE! Fifty of those.... Then we move to the drop and pop (sounds like a stripper move to me)... this is kinda like a squat and lift holding 30lbs... 15 of those. Then to finish it up we get bicycle crunches, just 40 of those he says ;)

Ready set Go!!!! Round one spiderman spiderman spiderman, jump jump jump, drop pop drop pop drop pop, cycle cycle cycle... ouch that kinda hurts... ok done!!! Nice job he says 1:10 to rest.... breath breath breath breath shit really Frankie, a minute ten is over already... yes get up! Five four three two one go!

Spideerrrrrman, spiiiiiderman spiiiiiiiiiiideeeeerman....... jump jump jump jump, shit trip, jump jump jump, drop pop drop pop drop pop, phew sweating........ bicycle ouch bicycle ouch bicycle ouch.... DONE!  Great job even faster than the first one! You get a 1:20 left. Chug chug chug so freakin thirsty. Man rest time over already!

Three two one go!  Spiderman spiderman spiderman, keep your butt down!!! spiderman spiderman spider man, i said butt down!!!! Jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump TRIP jump jump , pop drop pop drop pop drop, shit I can't wipe the sweat from my eyes, bicycle bicycle shit this really hurts.... done! Back to 1:10 to rest.... I'm just gonna close my eyes for a second ok Frankie, my Frankie.... shhh shhh shhh.. no talking.....

Ready set go!!!! F*CK!!!!!  Last two sets you got this... climb climb climb jump jump jump pop pop pop cycle cycles cycle rest rest rest....

Ready set go!!!!!!! Last set ****Sweet I can take my time******

Done!!!! 1:30 left nice job!!!!

So, here's something you shouldn't say if you're done for the day... Man that means you still have more stuff lined up, we still have ten minutes left...

Well, since you say that I guess I can add more he says... oh no nonnonononono no no that's not what I meant.

Always can tack on abs!!!!

Please God save me now...


30 seconds on 30 seconds off.... lean back and lift your legs.  Frankie makes it's look so damn easy!  Let me tell you, if you ever want to feel how long 30 seconds can be try this move!  5 reps of this.
So last session Frankie made me feel like I had a C Section, well with this move I feel like I was practicing labor breathing.. hee hee hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo hoo hee hee hee hoo hoo hoo.... w.t.f

Now to finish it off he wants to stretch... I can do stretching! I like to stretch!

He wants me to do this yoga move where you place your hands to the ground, walk out with your hands to make an upside down V, then drop my butt and abs towards the ground without touching to ground and go into the cobra pose.... Again, Frankie makes it look so F**king easy!!!

I form the V, piece of cake... then I go to drop my butt and abs.... I don't move. My body is going ohhhh I don't think so Liz!!!!! So I try again ehhhhhhh... yea Frankie, this is NOT gonna happen!

He laughs, ok then just lay on the ground and go into the cobra... this I can do!!!


And we are done.......


Amazingly the next morning I woke up and... I was not sore......


Torture sesh 3/52

**IT'S A MIRACLE**

What not to do after your muscles have been torn apart...

So we took the kids to this water park that was not your typical water park.

This place sounded so amazing! It had rock climbing, zip lining, inflatable park, cliff jumping, rope swings, water slides, and all the swimming you can imagine!

So we get everyone loaded into the car and drive an hour and a half south to this amazing brownstone park.

First thing we do is scale this rock wall and jump onto a float where you have to balance yourself (using all your torn Core muscles) on all fours  i crawl to the end of the float where the next person jumps off and launches you high into the air. Of course I had to be determined to keep my balance and crawl my way twenty feet to the end of the float and have my entire body tossed like a rag doll into the air...

Next we moved onto the rope swing... NEVER do the rope swing after you have an ab tearing workout.  This is how it went:

We climb up the side using the rope net. Then the kids chicken out so now that I made them feel like pansies I have to jump.  The guy hands me the wooden handle and tells me to pull it to my chest, walk off, and pull it back to my chest after I feel it pull tight, then let go when I want to... That's how it should have went; this is how it actually went:

I pull the rope close to my chest, step off, feel it pull tight and try to pull it back, my torn abs scream at me and my arms let go and I go face first chest first into a hard water wall knocking the wind out of myself and feeling like I was punched on the face. You hear everyone around yell "oooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"

Yea it felt worse then that...

And that wasn't the end of it... Two kids wanting to do everything!!!! But only if YOU do it too! Can't be known as the bum so gotta attempt everything once.

Off to this giant slide, that looks like a slip and slide on steroids.  It really looked easy enough you just jump on it, side down, and ta-da! your done!
Well, maybe for your average Joe but not for this gal!  I jumped on it full force and the bounce threw my body backwards again ripping open my gut and all I could see the whole way down was stars!  I did not get water up my nose upon impact though so consider that another great feat!!!

The easiest part of the whole day was strapping myself into a harness and ziplining down a 150 foot cliff into the water.  Asides from losing my bottoms I'd say that was pretty harmless!

Now one of the kids wanted to do the giant raft you jump on (see prior incident of rag doll) and of course I was elected to go... it really wasn't so bad, except this time I jumped and missed the center and was thrown immediately into the water.... I'm not gonna say I was upset about that.

So four hours later and literally swimming the whole day we were all wiped out and ready to go.

All I can say is I need some ibeuprofin and a hot tub...

***zzzzzzz...***

Torture Sesh number T.W.O

So I took the weekend off from the gym due to my inability to move. Yea, my fiance thinks it's so funny too.

Managed to get my butt moving Sunday for the Red Sox game.  As long as I was sitting  was fine! But I swear I saw the devil at the top and bottom of the stairs to and from my seat.  Although I was able to walk with no assistance from the railing...

So Monday comes around and I decide to take my fiance up on a friendly game of tennis.  That wasn't so bad.  We play all the time.  I'm used to moving like that until I try the stop full sprint and twist to the left for one of those stupid fake me out balls. Woooooo thigh and belly are still torn open!!!

I was able to drag myself through a whole match just to lose 4:3... but that means I won 3 ;)

7:30pm another appointment with Frankie.  This time we're focusing on cardio and arms. OH FOR JOY.

We start with jump rope... this isn't that bad, children do this.............. Well I didn't fall, I take that as a triumph.

Next we did abs, this move I renamed the phantom chair.  Just one minute Frankie says... Liz that was only 20 seconds keep going... you still have 30 come on girl..... ok you're crossing your feet is making it harder for you straighten out.... ok you're done now that wasn't so bad Frankie says... as he's standing over a soaking wet Liz writhing on the floor in pain. Conclusion: Frankie is a wizard who knows how to freeze time.

Dead lifts are next.  I have to say, that was actually not so bad.  But I should have known the worse was yet to come... on to arms.  Start with the inverted row... again not so bad.... then he says ok lay on this bench with these two 17.5lb weights above your head WAIT WHAT?????

Chest flys! Oh my friggin God these are like the lunges for arms.  10 reps of pure pain!  Before we went to the second set Frankie was nice enough to change out my 17.2lb weights to 15lb weights.  Wow, very generous, thanks pal now if you could just catch them before I drop them on my face that'd be great.

I comment as I'm walking out the door "I think I liked these exercises much better than the leg stuff!!!"

And then I woke up the next morning......


They always say feel blessed you wake up every morning!

Well THEY obviously have never done chest flys!!!!

Torture session 2/52

********OUCH*********

So this is Frankie......

So after my first day at the gym and the dreaded phone call from Frankie, I managed to drag my self back to the gym twice.  My legs were killing me, I needed to support myself with the railing when I walked down the stairs.

I was sleeping like a baby at night.  Usually I have to take melatonin but since my ass kicking I think my body was trying to stop me by shutting down... completely.  8pm bedtime all week. Then 7am eyes wide open!

So comes Friday 11am. The dreaded first torture session. In walks Frankie.  He looks like an average guy. Calm, cool, collected.  We sit down and talk for about ten minutes... what are my goals, how I'm going to get there, etc....

Then on to 30 minutes of pure pain...  Lunges, squats... WHY DO YOU ALL LOVE THESE TWO TORTURE MOVES!!!!! Crunches, not so bad, then on to the inverted crunch... just ten of them he says...

SCREW YOUR TEN UPSIDE DOWN CRUNCHES!!!  He doesn't tell you it's two sets of ten on this torture device they call the inverted bench!  I think I literally felt my abs rip open.  Congratulations Frankie, you just help me simulate a C-Section!

So as he walks out calm, cool, and collected still.... I attempt to walk up those damned 47 stairs all while trying to hold my crumpled tortures body together... and I still had to drive home...

Torture session 1/52 :


***DONE***

How it all began....

AM- "Do you have a gym membership??"

Me- "Pssssshhhhhhh hahahahaha NO!"

AM-"lol I'm thinking about joining this gym near me"

Me- "I could join a gym get my booty in shape!"



And that's how it all began......

My wonderful cousin/maid of honor made the leap and joined a gym..... and so did I.  What's the big deal? I have been trying to lose weight just through dieting so I guess jumping on a treadmill a couple times a week can only help me reach my goal.  And so we made our first gym date, at 7 o' clock in the morning.


Now, I am not a get up and go type of gal.  I enjoy waking up and having a cup of coffee... watching the today show and kelly & Michael. So needless to say, I did not make out date.  I canceled.... And I spent the whole weekend thinking about going to the gym.   It's the thought that counts, right?

More like Karma's a bitch!!!!

So Monday roles around and I decide after work I AM GOING TO THE GYM.  I text AM and we set up our next gym date for that evening.  Well, this time she canceled on me.  But I am determined to get my butt moving.

I had signed up online so I ask AM what I have to do to get my little key chain.  I really was not in the mood to talk to anyone after a full day of fake smiles and customer service.  She tells me, "Oh it's so easy, just walk up to the desk and say you signed up online, and they'll give you a key chain and you're good to do your own thing..."

Yea, Karma's a bitch.

So I walk in and look for someone at the main desk... I must have looked like a sitting duck because they pounced!!!!!  All of a sudden I'm sitting down with your a-typical gym trainers.  There was the big black guy with bulging biceps... there was the angry white guy with the stare that looked like he hated my soul... and there was Mr. Paulie-D blow out.

Did you know every membership comes with a free evaluation and personal training session!!!!???? Because God damn it was my lucky day!!!!!!!

So I learn that I am 33% body fat with a BMI of 28.  Wow, I sure feel awesome about myself right now.  So, Mr. angry man and Paulie-D blow out take me and run me through a half hour of squats, and lunges, and resistant bands.... treadmill and crunches.... then we sit down and go over how I can look so wicked awesome hot on my wedding day if ONLY I sign up for personal training!!!


Now anyone who knows me knows I am a SUCKER! I cannot watch QVC or HSN, can't look at infomercials, or those new diet fad supplements!  I always give in.  So my month to month $10 membership turned into a 52 week personal training membership for oh what a pretty penny.

Not only that, I now have to walk up the 47 stairs to get back to my car.... Mr. Paulie-D blow out walked me out to make sure I didn't fall down the stairs.  And I couldn't walk for literally 4 days....

But I made it back the following day with AM and then the phone call came... "Hey Liz, it's Frankie I'm your new personal trainer... looking to set up a time soon....."


***GULP***