The end.
Ok so here's how it went. I had a great day off. I went kayaking, it was a beautiful day water like glass sun shining... perfect End of September....
I went home made some tune and had it with baked ruffles... just to tie me over until I get home and can eat. Really was the littlest serving, but the biggest mistake....
Frankie texts me to let me know he's running a little late. That's fine I hadn't left the house yet so I finished cooking my shepherds pie filling... smells great and I can't wait to come home and eat it.
So I show up about 5 minutes late and Frankie is already inside... so much for him being late....
And then the slow death began.... Straight to the treadmill. Run a half mile in 3-5 minutes. No problem, I set the speed to 6.3 and start my run. Then Frankie comes over and moves the incline to 3. Hey! I did not agree to that!!!
From there he has me do 5 push ups followed by 20 squats...
Torture session 10/52
***VOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER***
Oh my God did that run wind me.... It was all over at that point!
But it had only just began... We move over to the 65lb barbells again.... Ok so time for dead lifts... This time it's a dead lift row. We're going to do 4 sets of 8, all gradually increasing the weight.... First we start we the empty barbell. It's a slight struggle. My rings always get in the way when we do these but I really don't want to take them off :(
After the first set he moves me to a mat and has me do "raccoons." This is basically a crunch where you lift your head and knees at the same time, knees to head... It's called a raccoon because raccoons curl themselves into a ball like that... yea ok sure whatever you say.... 15 of these. Wouldn't be so hard except every time I did one my whole body would slide down just a little bit so by the 15th one I was almost off the mat.
Now back to the dead lifts... Frankie has added 10 lbs... now onto 75lbs... I do the first one and my rings dig deep into the pad of my hand. I have no choice but to take them off so I do and place them with my keys "Frankie you better be watching those!!!!!" He thinks it's funny....
So 8 dead lift rows... He keeps telling me to stick my butt out more and arch my back but it's hard to do that when your being weighed down with 75lbs... but I complete them and back to the stupid raccoons, I have to keep count this time because Frankie has to go find more weight. I always lose track of my reps that's what I pay him for!!!!
So I think I did 15, it felt like I did 30... and back to the dead lifts rows where he has added 5 more pounds... now we're doing 80lbs... oh man this is starting to suck. I wish I still wasn't out of breath from my half mile run up hill.
Back to raccoons, man after the 10th one those last 5 really SUCK!
Back to dead lift rows with 5 more pounds and now we;re at 85lbs... W.T.F. Last set though I tell myself. Ok so the last 4 were definitely a struggle and on to the last set of raccoons... and done!
Oh but wait, there's more! Why do I feel like I've already been here for a half hour??
Frankie asks me to grab the mat and he grabs two 10lb plates and a 25lb plate... Not gonna lie I feel like I could kill him right now.
So we're doing Frankie's version of suicides. 25lb plate on the ground, lean down and push it about 20 feet then leave the plate and run back. Do mountain climbers for 30 seconds, except this time place your feet in the 10lb plates and drag the plates with your toe, get up run back to the 25lb plate and push that another 20 feet. Run the 40 feet back and do 30 seconds more of mountain climbers with the 10lb plates... finish that and run the 40 feet back to the plate and push it back 20 feet, leave it there and run back 20 feet and do 30 more seconds of mountain climbers.... get up run back to the plate and push it back to the starting line.
All I'm thinking is "you've got to be kidding me...."
So I start. Pushing the plate is not so bad and neither is running back but let me tell you, those Goddamn mountain climbers f'n suck. Like seriously WTF. My friggin hamstrings were burning after ten seconds. Not to mention those stupid plates slide all over the carpet so now I have to keep my friggin balance. 30 seconds is a long ass time!!!!!!!!
This is where the tuna for a snack turns into a horrible idea... you know when you start to feel your dinner in the back of your throat... and I still had to finish off these stupid suicides. This literally was pure torture. Now my head is pounding and I want to throw up... but I finished... Thank the lord I finished.........
I collapse on the mat panting trying to compose myself.
BUT WE'RE NOT DONE.....
Now Frankie wants me to jump rope. 100 jumps, if I trip up I have to do 5 sit-ups.This is the longest God damn session I have ever been through. After those friggin mountain climbers my legs are like rubber. I attempt to jump and I just can't get it. This is cruel and unusual punishment. So Frankie says, ok you only have to do 50 jumps... I do this all the time at home I can do this. So I blast through 50 jumps, Frankie says ok keep going! So I make it to jump 90 when I trip up... time for crunches he says... you mother f'er....... I tell him crunches REALLY are not a good idea right now unless he wants to wear my dinner.... so he lets me rest and tells me ok just do side crunches... you know the ones where you lift your elbow towards the opposite knee... alright let's just get this over and done with... but now I have to do ten because it's rotating sides. I finish that and Frankie says, you're not done yet you still have ten more jumps.
F YOU FRANKIE!
Ten jumps done and I throw the rope and say I'm going home. Screw taking my measurements tonight, now I have to concentrate on keeping my tuna down...
Needless to say, I will not be having shepherds pie tonight. Thanks Frankie.
But it had only just began... We move over to the 65lb barbells again.... Ok so time for dead lifts... This time it's a dead lift row. We're going to do 4 sets of 8, all gradually increasing the weight.... First we start we the empty barbell. It's a slight struggle. My rings always get in the way when we do these but I really don't want to take them off :(
After the first set he moves me to a mat and has me do "raccoons." This is basically a crunch where you lift your head and knees at the same time, knees to head... It's called a raccoon because raccoons curl themselves into a ball like that... yea ok sure whatever you say.... 15 of these. Wouldn't be so hard except every time I did one my whole body would slide down just a little bit so by the 15th one I was almost off the mat.
Now back to the dead lifts... Frankie has added 10 lbs... now onto 75lbs... I do the first one and my rings dig deep into the pad of my hand. I have no choice but to take them off so I do and place them with my keys "Frankie you better be watching those!!!!!" He thinks it's funny....
So 8 dead lift rows... He keeps telling me to stick my butt out more and arch my back but it's hard to do that when your being weighed down with 75lbs... but I complete them and back to the stupid raccoons, I have to keep count this time because Frankie has to go find more weight. I always lose track of my reps that's what I pay him for!!!!
So I think I did 15, it felt like I did 30... and back to the dead lifts rows where he has added 5 more pounds... now we're doing 80lbs... oh man this is starting to suck. I wish I still wasn't out of breath from my half mile run up hill.
Back to raccoons, man after the 10th one those last 5 really SUCK!
Back to dead lift rows with 5 more pounds and now we;re at 85lbs... W.T.F. Last set though I tell myself. Ok so the last 4 were definitely a struggle and on to the last set of raccoons... and done!
Oh but wait, there's more! Why do I feel like I've already been here for a half hour??
Frankie asks me to grab the mat and he grabs two 10lb plates and a 25lb plate... Not gonna lie I feel like I could kill him right now.
So we're doing Frankie's version of suicides. 25lb plate on the ground, lean down and push it about 20 feet then leave the plate and run back. Do mountain climbers for 30 seconds, except this time place your feet in the 10lb plates and drag the plates with your toe, get up run back to the 25lb plate and push that another 20 feet. Run the 40 feet back and do 30 seconds more of mountain climbers with the 10lb plates... finish that and run the 40 feet back to the plate and push it back 20 feet, leave it there and run back 20 feet and do 30 more seconds of mountain climbers.... get up run back to the plate and push it back to the starting line.
All I'm thinking is "you've got to be kidding me...."
So I start. Pushing the plate is not so bad and neither is running back but let me tell you, those Goddamn mountain climbers f'n suck. Like seriously WTF. My friggin hamstrings were burning after ten seconds. Not to mention those stupid plates slide all over the carpet so now I have to keep my friggin balance. 30 seconds is a long ass time!!!!!!!!
This is where the tuna for a snack turns into a horrible idea... you know when you start to feel your dinner in the back of your throat... and I still had to finish off these stupid suicides. This literally was pure torture. Now my head is pounding and I want to throw up... but I finished... Thank the lord I finished.........
I collapse on the mat panting trying to compose myself.
BUT WE'RE NOT DONE.....
Now Frankie wants me to jump rope. 100 jumps, if I trip up I have to do 5 sit-ups.This is the longest God damn session I have ever been through. After those friggin mountain climbers my legs are like rubber. I attempt to jump and I just can't get it. This is cruel and unusual punishment. So Frankie says, ok you only have to do 50 jumps... I do this all the time at home I can do this. So I blast through 50 jumps, Frankie says ok keep going! So I make it to jump 90 when I trip up... time for crunches he says... you mother f'er....... I tell him crunches REALLY are not a good idea right now unless he wants to wear my dinner.... so he lets me rest and tells me ok just do side crunches... you know the ones where you lift your elbow towards the opposite knee... alright let's just get this over and done with... but now I have to do ten because it's rotating sides. I finish that and Frankie says, you're not done yet you still have ten more jumps.
F YOU FRANKIE!
Ten jumps done and I throw the rope and say I'm going home. Screw taking my measurements tonight, now I have to concentrate on keeping my tuna down...
Needless to say, I will not be having shepherds pie tonight. Thanks Frankie.
Torture session 10/52
***VOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER***
No comments:
Post a Comment